Freedom to Run

I used to have the most amazing jogging partner ever! They say that when you walk or run... or even workout it clears your mind, well I realized why I used to be SO happy... when I would run with my buddy we would talk the entire time we ran about whatever came to mind... it was like having a therapist who listened to you and helped you talk through what was on your mind when you were most vulnerable! Also one of the most important things it did was supply accountability... no matter what you didn't want to let the other person down by not showing up because you know if you didn't go they would make an excuse not to go by themselves either... 

After reviewing this intelligent thought I think it's time I either reconnect with my previous running partner or find a new one... (the bf is way to fast for me.. lol.. although is a very good listener he would probably want to kill me by the time we got home..) I really miss running... I haven't don't it lately because it is really hard on my knees so I was trying to lose weight before I really started running again.. but maybe I just need to DO IT! The key to success is to JUST DO IT! 

This was my first 5k ever! It was in support of a trip my high school takes every year to Uganda to help out the community there.

This was my second 5k, the Red Flannel Run in Feb of 2010.

This would have been the third run, Dam to Dam in Des Moines.

These runs were so fun for me.. it kept me focused and gave me something to look forward to and to not give up on running cause I would soon have a "race" to be in.  It was never about losing weight during this time in my life I was just having fun and it was a release from a lot of emotional battles I was trying to conquer... and also I felt amazing while I was running.

Living in the Present

I'm not sure why this process is so hard for me to grasp... it's like I know all the right steps and what I should eat but my mind won't just switch over to the healthy mindset.... it's about time I just have to FORCE the process and do whatever it is that needs to click in my head for me to change my habits.  

The Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred has been a challenge but I'm sticking with it.  I did all my measurements before so I will inform you on how it worked when I've completed it... maybe after 30 days....

I ordered two of Jillian's books she wrote that had good reviews about them, I'm hoping that they will help me figure out the emotional side of my weight gain and give me inspiration to move forward and not look back... I know there is a lot of things from my past that have caused me to get to where I am and it's hard for me to let go of some of those things... but I have to be strong and not look back at the past and only look to the bright future that is waiting for me.

I've decided to not take summer classes in my efforts to get healthy because I feel that my health is more important to me then school is right now.  I was hoping to get some of the classes I'm not to trilled about taking out of the way in the summer so that way they would go by a little faster but after a lot of thought I think it is best if I take some time off from school... not only to get healthy but I need a break to stop and enjoy life again... I get so caught up in hurrying through school and things that are going on right here and now, so I can get to the things I want to enjoy in life.. like having a family and kids.... I forget to enjoy these times I need to in order to get to the things I want... I have to make myself happy in order to have the things I look forward to in the future.  Life is too short to not enjoy each day by itself... You can't live in the past or the future you have to live in the present and the rest will fall into place! 

Dying eggs at my parents house.

Dad was laughing at me trying to make the eggs look

 pretty.

The finished product!

Mom and I had fun decorating eggs... Happy Easter!

Push Through... It has to get better

Yesterday, I had a meltdown.... the main reason was because I have been working SO hard at keeping track of my calories and also working out and not using those extra calories to eat when I do workout,

and yet the same just won't leave the number.... it's stuck at 276.9...

I swear I'm in a nightmare.... no matter how good or how terrible I eat and how much I workout

that number haunts me on the scale EVERY TIME!

But, I've got to not let the breakdown get me down....

I am SO determined to get healthy and lose this weight because I want my life back!!!

I want to be able to do all the things I enjoy without

feeling TOO overweight.. or

to weak to accomplish.

(This may be a little personal... but I guess I'm just Being honest.)

Today is the day that I'm hoping will be a big change in my journey!

I was having such a hard time deciding if I

should go off my birth control pills and see what happens with my body

or if i need to do something different cause I'm not ready

for kids yet... So the verdict was to get an IUD which is still a little scary for me but

I will find out today if it is all it's cracked up to be.. I guess.

(Definately excited to not have to remember a pill,

and no hormones, less likely to get

preggers!)

On a different note, I decided that I was going need some more motivation or something that challenged me because apparently the gym isn't doing much for at this point in time,

so since I seem to workout a little harder when I watch the show Biggest Loser I decided to

purchase Season 10 on my Kindle so I can watch it while I workout

at the gym! So far I'm really liking it!

I also got  a little crazy and bought Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred... :/

I've heard good things about this video but we all know that

Jillian can be a little harsh so hopefully she can kick my butt into gear and get some pounds

shred off this body! I'm ready to be ME again! :)



It was only 7.95 on amazon so we will see
if this will work!

I refuse to let that number on the scale haunt me any longer!! Jillian you better help me out here! I'm counting on you! 

Luck of the Irish

So... I'm not Irish... like I don't think even a little... but my BOYFRIEND is!!!! Not that it really matters cause I would have celebrated the Holiday regardless... :) 

Let's just say we had a long but very fun weekend with friends!

Friday night we went to a burger place Oddfellows to get drinks and watch the basketball game (which I'm still disappointed we couldn't pull it off after 3 times of playing Kansas... ugh)

Saturday night we went out for one of my friends last day at her job,
and of coarse to celebrate St Patty's Day! :)

The BF and I decided to do the Pub Crawl on Main Street saturday night, we had a lot of fun going to the different bars, some of them were SO busy we just got our card stamped and didn't even buy a drink...

Didn't get to see these lovely people very much this weekend

so we met up with them Sunday for some more

Celebrating fun and to wish Beth a Happy Birthday! ;)



We were enjoying some lunch and more Green Beer!

Of coarse because of the 'holiday' my food choices were not the best but when your drinking it's hard to make great choices... I mean really I just need something
in my mouth NOW.

The funny thing about not eating well all weekend and not working out :( was
I still weigh the EXACT same, I swear that
I always see the same darn number on the scale no matter how good I eat
or how much I workout.... SAME NUMBER... it gets old,
trust me!

Hopefully this week I will start to see a few changes in my body as I will be switching my birth control in  hopes that the less hormones will help me to start losing weight
and not get so discouraged after all the hard work I put in.

HAPPY MONDAY!! Cheers to a green beer weekend!



Hump Day Drama

I found that the reason I have had a hard time losing weight is..... because of the hormones in my birth control pill.  

I'm a little annoyed to find this out because know I have

to find a new way to prevent pregnency, and I don't have much other options....

I can either A- not have sex, B-Go off my current

BC, or C- get and IUD....

For some reason this has been a very hard and emotional decision for me to make

I don't want kids YET!!! I also want to figure

out why I can't lose weight and stop feeling so crummy all the time.

I have been doing really good with keeping track of my calories and working out in the meantime while I try to figure out why my body is rejecting all my hard work, I'm not giving

up hope though, I want this SO bad I won't give up.

This is a great meal that I had one day this week,
I'm really trying to eat more
fish and I'm actually really enjoying it.

I can't wait till we get some warmer weather in this STATE, I'm SO ready
to get on my bicycle again! (mainly because the bike at the gym hurts my butt too
bad I can't ride it)


Also, on another note I haven't really mentioned school much, maybe because
I wish I was done SO bad that I'm trying to put it in the
back of my mind... (it doesn't work so well)
I have 3 semesters left and I have been pushing myself pretty hard the last couple
months in order to finish strong.

Let's just leave on this note that it has been a LONG

week and it's only HUMP day...

I've had a very emotional and stressful week so here's to a few 

drinks to get me through the rest of the week!

Drink up and HAPPY HUMP DAY!

Stressing a Food Journal

So when I first started to research and look up healthy recipes and different ways of working out, I was VERY overwhelmed like to the point I didn't even want to try because I felt I had too much stuff to remember all at once and I knew that I would definately fail!!!

After keeping a food journal and making sure I write EVERYTHING down, it seems that things could actually get better! As I said before this week I am working on just writting everything down and not on what I'm consuming necessarily although i'm still trying to make better choices.  It's kind of a relief to know that I can do this and I will! It's not going to come to me right away because obviously I have a 'big girl' mind at this point but I'm gonna work slowly at fixing my problem areas and continue to workout!

I'm stressing to everyone who is trying to lose weight and seems to be getting NOWHERE keep a food journal and figure out what it is your really need to change in order to make a healthier life for yourself.  It's working for me and everyone who reads knows that I have been struggling to get started and really feel motivated to be healthy and stop being bad choices when I know what the right choice is! :)

Happy Friday ya'll! ;)

In case you can't read it cause it's kinda blurry! "I can't hlep it, eating is my hobby."

Empowered

I feel that I have celebrated a little win! in my journey.  Usually one night a week I like to get drinks with my mom and her friends for a little ladies social night.  Well, I'm proud of myself for learning a little something that should have been learned a long time ago... I like to drink, it's usually my 'entertainment' on the weekends, but I have finally figured out that I can't love food and alcohol.  So since I know I'm going to eat I need to just cut out the alcohol cause what's the point anyway.  

I had 3 drinks last night and of course then I was starting to get hungry so I went with my mom and I ordered water and then a fairly healthy meal for (NO FRIED FOOD!)  dinner, it was chicken breast, I had a few slices of bread, and a salad, oh yea and greek spaghetti (not so good), but I still consider it a win because I didn't get ANYTHING fried and that is my usually when I have been drinking! 

But my real little win here is that I realized that if I'm going to eat which I am I need to just pass up the drinking or just have one and be done because it's not worth those calories in your going to eat a meal also.

Maybe this would help me from stuffing my face into

 big bowls of food.

 

Upbeat kinda day

After a much needed venting yesterday, I have to say I'm in a pretty GREAT mood today! :)

Did really good yesterday on keeping track of EVERYTHING I ate, I have started a food journal where I am writing down the time in which I eat my food, what it is I am eating and how many calories, carbs, fat, fiber, and protein are in all the foods I eat throughout the day.  After getting my labs back I need to keep an eye on how many calories and how much fat I am consuming in a day... This was very eye opening for me to really see what I am eating and how important it is to keep track of all these things being put into my body because I'm trying to figure out how to properly nourish my body instead of completely indulging in all the things that have got me to this point of Morbid Obesity! (yes... I said it... it's scary to put myself in that category but it's very necessary for me to understand the extent of these words!) 

This week my goal is to just keep track of things I consume, obviously to watch what I'm eating but to just be able to get an accurate chart to go off of to see what I really do need to change! One thing that I'm learning very slowly and impatiently is to remember I can't change EVERYTHING at once.  You have to try and change things slowly, my instinct is to look at all the bad things in my life and try to get rid of them all at the same time but I've learned over the last couple months of trying to do that, IT DOESN"T WORK.  So that is why this weeks goal is small just making sure to write down everything, once I have mastered that task I can try to change another important part of my journey! :)

I just use a regular notebook in order to create my food journal usually on one side I will try the lines down it to seperate the different catergories and then on the other side of the page I leave so I can take notes for myself (such as, what I learned that day, or what foods I enjoyed that I tried in that day... anything to keep my encouraged and learning)

Down and Out

The last couple months, as you all know from reading my blog, have seen my struggles with working out and trying to eat better then I normally would, well as much as I have been working out (almost 5 times a week) I have not seen any changes in my body... like AT ALL... so I decided that maybe it was time to go see the doc and see what she had to say about all my hard work not paying off, and not to mention the fact that I haven't really felt very good the last month or two (my body just doesn't seem normal).  I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't doing something wrong and I was taking accurate steps toward my weight lose and didn't have any medical conditions standing in the way... you know because people how are very overweight tend to have medical problems. 

As I have found out I definitely have a lot of blood work that is very high such as cholesterol and triglicoids, but what I thought might be off which was causing me to not lose much weight was my thyroid and as far as I can tell it is normal, so my doctor recommended I check on the type of birth control I take and sure enough it turns out that all the symptoms I'm having in my (not 'normal') state are all side effects on the pills I am on... so I may have found a cure if only I could get ahold of my other doctor to try and get me fixed up.  I have high hopes but either way I can't give up on my health anymore I have to continue to be strong and fight for my life!

I have loved watching the Biggest Loser on Monday nights it's so encouraging to me that these people are just like me and if they can overcome something SO  hard then I know I can! 

Also, this weekend I had a huge break through and break down, at the gym on Sunday morning I was SO thrilled to get to wear the new Brooks I bought and as I was wearing them my feet started to hurt, so I did as they told me to and I switched to my old pair in hopes that I will be able to break them in.  Well, this little incident really set me off, I was having just a crazy break down and I just started crying and couldn't stop I was running on the treadmill and just kept crying and luckily there weren't many people there so I did a little more working out and then decided to take myself home to finish my breakdown.  Well it turns out that it was a good breakdown and I feel as if I can push myself forward and stop feeling sorry for myself and giving up so easily.  I'm excited to see where this little (break through takes me)! :)  



Last nights dinner, Fresh Alaskan
fish from Wheatsfield, and steam in a bag
rice with veggies! Delicious!




On top of that I have been really sick with sinus infection and it's not helping but I'm still not giving up!

Happy Tuesday all!!!!