Venting

After my last post I feel as if I am just depressing and have no sense of what I want when it comes to my health and my life.  I think it's taking me as much as getting SOO pissed off at myself for not changing the way I am to just completely discourage me instead of encourage me to fix it and to get mad and angry until I am pushed enough to give into what I really want.

I have NO excuses about why I can't change from this day on...
I am unhappy with my health, I can't keep up with the things I want to do and be able to enjoy life the way I want to enjoy it.
The only problem is my eating I can't figure out the right way to eat... not only do I not know how to eat I don't even know how to find the "right" way to eat cause there are so many things on the Internet that you don't know what to believe and what not to believe... I mean obviously you should follow the food pyramid but I don't even know if that is the right answer either...
I wanna make the right food choices and I know a lot of the things I should eat I just don't wanna be stuck eating the same boring thing cause that is the only thing I know is good for me.
I eat an apple a day and I try to eat greek yogurt each day, other then that I'm pretty much clueless....

I'm interested to see what they give the contestants on biggest loser for a 'diet' or eating plan... like the way your supposed to eat in order to give your body what it needs, cause I am right there with all the people they show on biggest loser I have more then a hundred pounds to lose and because I have been eating unhealthy and unconsciously I don't know where to start.  I feel so guilty when I put things like fast food and fried food, I can even tell that it alters my mood a lot, I feel like crap, I eat like crap after that, I feel draggy.... I just wanna give my body what it needs to be healthy and really just give it the energy it deserves.

In the mean time I am searching ways to change my eating.

FEaR

Fear has been a big theme in my life lately... It seems that I want to do a these great things and strive to be a better person and healthier but yet fear continues to hold me back.  I'm kind of tired of fear running my life and I'm not exactly sure how to get over it and conquer my fears.
The biggest one that is holding me back at this moment is being healthy and losing weight in order to be a better person and to enjoy my life to the fullest and not have things that hold me back because of my weight and my health.  The fear that comes with that one is that I won't ever get to eat the things that I love to eat anymore... I know everyone says once you lose weight you will be able to eat those things in moderation, but my problem is during the day I think about all the things I love to snack on and I feel like I wont be able to enjoy them so I overindulge in them and then I start to Binge on all the other things that I'm afraid I will have to cut out of my diet..... Help!!!

I don't wanna be stuck in this rut but it's been so hard for me to Just Do It. I work out and I've started the 17 Day Diet again and I'm doing great but just when I start to get confident that damn fear comes back in and takes over and I have an off day... :(  I boyfriend told me to have a cheat MEAL not a cheat DAY.  Which makes so much sense instead of trying to be better tomorrow you have to change your mind right now today! 
I have been reading on Pinterest all the encouraging quotes and sayings and they help me for a few minutes and then it's like it's just gone....

How do I stop fear from running my life!?!?!  I'm trying to keep my head up for some reason the fear is just dragging me down and not allowing me to get a positive outlook long enough to stick with it and to overcome.

2013 Positive Attitude

I haven't posted anything for awhile and thought I would fill you in on some of my new years goals (I like goals better then resolutions). 

I will start with the crazy holidays that feel like they have lasted for at least a month because we have so much stuff to attend and family to see over Christmas time.  I do love the holidays but I also love when they are over, especially because with new years right around the corner and we get to start over with new goals and a 'new life'. 

-One of the goals I'm kinda of regretting at this time, hopefully not for long! is going to the gym often, at this time it's so ridiculously busy that I don't even like to get close to the gym.  Last nights experience was unpleasant to say the least, we went at 6 30pm to get a good workout in as we drove up it was very busy and all the machines were taken, so we went home and decided to venture out at 7 30 in hopes it would die down a little more and we were in luck we finally got in an on machines, so all in all I was really annoyed that I couldn't go and workout when I wanted to so it discouraged me a little, not to mention the price we pay a month to be able to use the facility and it was that busy really irked me.
(a week later) the gym is still busy but we have opted to go at 7pm to try and avoid large crowds, I just have to say I have been so proud of myself the last few workouts I've had, not only is the biggest loser on again which I watch while I workout, I am also pushing myself so much and trying hard to get back into a healthier lifestyle.  

-Another goal of mine this year is to menu plan each week in order to save money and eat a little healthier, so far it's gone okay, room to improve.
(a week later) Menu planning is going good, my bf is gone during the week for work for the next few weeks so I am not as concerned with the menu cause I usually don't eat much when he is gone.

-A big big goal for me this year is to be successful in school, not that I haven't been but I'm taking on a lot more this semester and I'm a little nervous but know I can do it.  I'm also getting close to being done with my two year degree (laugh all you want, but I'm super proud to say I will have finished something I started.)  I'm taking 3 classes this semester as well as working full time and as mentioned above moving toward a healthier lifestyle, so I definitely have my work cut out for me this year but am super excited to see it all play out!  

EVERYONE GET YOUR HAPPY FACES ON BECAUSE POSITIVITY IS THE ONLY OPTION TO SUCCESS THIS YEAR!