Fall

I am extremely excited about this fall like weather we are

having in Iowa right now!

It always brings me back to my favorite things about life, coffee, good books, 

sweatshirts, bonfires, and the simplicity of life!

As my wedding approaches (rather fast) I have had this desire to

read about marriage and the outlook other people have

found in committing your life to someone forever (I know a little late on the draw...

but I guess it's better then never!).

I have read a few books that have really been exciting and make

me want to slow down a little in life.... Slow down and enjoy the journey...

I have been SO caught up in getting every wedding detail planned to perfection

that I have often forgot to stop and enjoy this moment because

you will never get it back.... the life experience

that will only happen to you once comes

and goes so fast that every step is

worth stopping and reflecting

on.

I can't wait to marry my Best Friend in just 16 days!!

I'm so excited to see what all the stress of planning for a year

will turn out like! Weather everything is perfect (never happens) or some things

go differently then expected, we will be SO excited to share this

special day with all the people that make us who were are

and to celebrate that we get to be married in the

end to the person we love more then anything else! :)

I love this man!!
"To the moon and Back"

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Books I recommend...

The Antelope in the Living Room

by

Melanie Shankle

The Wedding

by

Nicholas Sparks

(Don't laugh Love I very much enjoy a good Romantic book by Nicholas Sparks!)

Wedding's and Planning

We are swamped with going to weddings and planning our own

wedding this summer!

I haven't had much time to reflect and think about what is going on in my life

right now because we have constantly been busy!

I'm so thrilled to have a stay-cation next week.... It is much needed for me to relax and

to regroup and to prepare for our wedding in just 37 days...(ahh! So excited & nervous!)

Since I have been back on my feet from breaking my ankle I feel like I have been

constantly doing something for the wedding and I have finally gotten to

a breaking point where pretty much everything is done

that needs to be done right now and I can relax and enjoy these last few weeks

before the big day!  This time has consisted of lots of emotional

eating and binge drinking....(planning a wedding is stressfuL!)

I'm finally done with school and thrilled I don't have to stress about getting ready

for classes... they start today.... :)

I'm not exactly sure what I will do with my spare time after the wedding since I don't have

school to work on. (I'm sure I will find something!)  I'm really hoping to focus

on myself and finding ways to boost my confidence, most likely in

the gym but on an emotional level also!

I can't wait for my BIG DAY!!! 

So excited I get to spend it with all my family and friends and most

importantly with my Best Friend!

Light Hearted Friendships

We all remember when we were kids and we would play

with all the neighbor kids and most likely they were your best friends at

the time, and you would have a fight with them 

most likely about something silly and you would be mad for a few 

minutes before you realized that you have no one else

to play with if you stay mad at that person, so you just forget about

it and it was no big deal anymore.

The point I'm making here is how special those friendships were

and does anyone else miss those relationships!?

It's like we are so caught up and obsessed with ourselves that we

don't have time to consider other people

and to truly invest in friendships with them.

The only people we invest the most in is our family and our 

significant others, but what about all those friends

we used to have that we could do anything with, 

they would always want to hang out because we knew we would

laugh the whole time and nothing would upset us, 

we would just have fun

and celebrate life with each other and nothing else in the world matter

except the fact that I was there with that person

at that particular time and we shared something special.

I seriously am feeling "homesick" thinking about all the friendships

and life journey's I have been on with different people and it makes me sad

to think about all the friendships that didn't last or that 

just got forgotten about for whatever the reasons might be.

I miss the light-hearted, drama-free, and innocent friendships

that used to consume my life, it seems that things always have to be

more complicated then that now.

Missing old friends!

Operation Wedding Dress Shopping

This broken ankle thing has really put a damper on my

Operation Wedding Body.... 

I had planned to get fit and ride my bike and all that good stuff... (oh who am I kidding... 

I wasn't going to do that stuff.. now I just have an excuse as to 

why I'm not accomplishing those things! :) )

I can't believe it's less then 5 months to our wedding already!

Not to mention I haven't done much wedding planning lately..

been a little busy with some other important things... such as getting my leg back... and wrapping

up my school stuff.

I have finally made an appointment to go dress shopping... which means

this whole I'm getting married thing is starting to get a little more

real!  I can't wait to try on dresses!

I've been a little depressed over the fact that I haven't done much to feel

healthy and good about myself, but I'm starting to 

get in the right mind set... it takes time people! :)

Gotta get my head in the game! 

I at least want to feel good about myself and think I look beautiful on my wedding

day even if I am not 100% to my goal weight!

My plan is to start with small goals, just to get myself 

motivated and to get my head in the game...

Eating lots of protein and less carbs will be #1...

#2 will be walking (when I'm allowed to again!)

#3 enjoying little things in life... small projects... stopping to see the joys in 

life instead of running with my head down all the time!

#4 Smile! It's good for the soul!

The more motivation I get from my friends and family the better!

I got this! (I think...) 

Broken Ankle Edition

I have been on the mend now for about 2 and a half weeks... talk about a 

nightmare!!!

I honestly DO NOT wish this type of injury on anyone!!! EVER!

I have been so Depressed and just not very pleasant to be around in those few weeks.

I don't like being SOO helpless, like literally can't do anything!

I have often asked myself why would this happen to me?!

Well, I have been kind of searching for an answer because this has been horrible.

As I have explained in a lot of previous posts, I am pretty over weight,

which does not work well when you are limited to use just one leg.

I really struggled for the first couple days using crutches because one of my legs has

to support my WHOLE body, you don't realize how much

we take for granite being able to walk on both legs and to use them freely!

So when I originally went to the ER they took X-Rays of my ankle and came back

to tell me that it was broken.... (so what does that mean...)

The Doc said it's no big deal just go see your regular doctor in 3 days and they will put a

cast on it.... So I was a little relieved, didn't seem like it was going to

be a huge deal....

Well turns out when I went to the doctor 3 days later, for one thing my ankle was 

really swollen still and for two they immediately looked at me and said

why didn't they do surgery... (I wasn't sure, didn't even get to see the X-Ray from the ER)

So they sent me to orthopedics in Ames to have Dr. Warme look at it 

and see what he wanted to do.  The consensus was surgery, he showed

me the X-ray and my fibula had broke and also separated my joint bones, 

I was extremely nervous after that, I had never had a surgery before 

and was really nervous and sick to my stomach.

A week and 2 days after the actually fall happened is when I had surgery, I was

scared to death going into the hospital that morning as the nurses

prepared me for surgery I got a little less nervous,  everything ended up going

just fine he placed a plate and screws in my ankle to put it back together.

I have to wait till this Friday to go in and have a cast put on it for a few weeks then I will

have to wear a boot for about 6 weeks after the cast comes off.

Today is the first day during most of this process that I am starting to be at peace

and not so anxious and worked up about it all! 

I'm still very nervous to go back to work mainly because I can't get around very

well on my crutches... hoping to get a scooter so I can at least

not have to endure all the weight of my body on one leg.

I have to give a HUGE thank you to my Fiance and my parents!!! 

I would not have gotten this far without them helping me, 

waiting on me and driving me around to all my appointments

and running my errands for me!! 

Oh and yeah I can't drive either, right leg.......

Another Day

I have been so caught up in 'comfortable zone' aka not care at all about what I look like

or feel like or what I eat... since we have moved to our new house!

I'm so in love with having more space and enjoying our house that I don't want to leave

to go do much.

I'm starting to feel like a giant balloon and I know I have gained back most of the

weight I have lost since I started weight watchers and I'm pretty disappointed in my myself.

I am  having a hard time getting back into it!

I swear this being healthy thing is more stressful then to just not care.

(I do care... that's why it is so hard for me)

I really want to feel good about myself and to not be stressed about having to

buy a huge wedding dress, but I'm still lacking the total 

motivating that it takes to stick with a new lifestyle.

I did really good for a month and I go off the wagon for a few days and I 

realize how much I miss the foods I like to eat and then I just completely

indulge and then I can't get back on the wagon, I think I gain more weight when this

happens because I'm so stressed and mad at myself for not sticking with

my plan. :/

Trust me I don't expect this to be easy by any means... I have been on this up and down roller coaster for 5 years now... I can't seem to get the hang of it and to stay with it

long enough to make a huge difference... I want results and I'm not

getting them in the way that I feel I should be.

I have an advocare Herbal Cleanse I bought awhile ago, I think after this

week I might do that again.

I want this SO bad that I am making myself struggle and stress

that I think it's making the situation worse.

My fiance and my mom did the stair climb this weekend for the 3rd year.

It was a reminder to me of when I quit smoking last year and how much I struggled

with the climb, and how I am back to smoking and starting back 

at square one.

Week 3 of W.W.

*300 Highest Weight-- made me change(1-16-14)

*296 Monday's SCARY weight :/ (9-19-13) 

*292 Today's weight (9-13-13) (1-31-14)

*287 highest weight May 2013 (after IUD)

*285 current weight

*283 the weight that haunts me

*280 Last week

*278 when I started "17 Day Diet" Oct 2012

*260 Florida  Trip Nov 2012

*245 what I weighed when I went on my first date with Scott 11-11-11

*240 what I weighed when I started running 2009

*220 what I weighed on our CRUISE 2010

*200 while I worked at Burgie's 2007

*199 Jump for joy I'm in One-derland!

*180 what I weighed before I started working at Burgie's Coffee shop (in High School)

*165 GOAL WEIGHT

Decided to bring back this bad boy! :)

I'm finally trucking along and not embarrassed that I keep having to add numbers

to this timeline, I actually get to start closing numbers off it!

-----------------------------

This week has been great!

I have finally started to get a groove as far as what I can eat and when I can

eat what.  I am allowed 47 points in a day, along with my 49 points for weekly allowance, and

I also get to swap any workout points I earn throughout the week.

This week, I used all my extra points on Saturday night, I decided to have cocktails and eat

what I want within my daily and weekly point allowance.  I consumed 82 points (not great, but

still better then my TERRIBLE day the week before!), then on Sunday I still had some

weekly points left and I consumed 71 points, which used up the rest of my weekly points and then a few extra.... My way of making this up was to go to the gym after work 

every night this week, I also didn't use all my points each day (they say not to do that....oh well), I wasn't always hungry and I didn't think it was necessary to eat all my points if i wasn't hungry anyway.

I feel like I'm starting to gain more knowledge about foods and what I should eat,

and the times I should eat.... instead of eating because I'm stressed or bored.

I'm really proud of myself for giving up girls night this week ( I knew I didn't have much for

points) so I decided to go to the gym instead and earn more points!

I'm SOO excited, I lost another 4 lbs this week! :)
I can't believe how great I'm starting to feel!
I was really hoping to hit the 10 lb loss this week, but next week we will blow
that out of the water! Maybe I will be able to cross a few of those
awful weight's from the timeline off next week!

Continuing the fight for my life back!
After watching Biggest Loser this week, and seeing how far they have all come
and how much stronger they are makes me want to see that in myself!
Watching Rachel cry as she crossed the finish line at the triathlon,
was so empowering! I could just see in her face that she
was SOO proud of herself! I can't wait to start feeling
that way! :)

This was after Week 1. ( Just wanted to do face shots so I can see how much my face changes.)

                                                   

This is 1/31/14, start of Week 3.

There isn't too much of a difference yet! This isn't much weight difference either.

Week 1 of W.W.

Just thought I would give you all a little update about how weight watchers 

is going so far!

I've set my weigh in days for Friday's, that way if I cheat a little on the weekends

I have ALL week to make up for it. :)

After my first weigh in I was surprised to see I was down 4 lbs... 

I did really well with following the plan and staying within my 45 points I was allowed

in a day, I think I only used a handful of my weekly allowance.

After I entered lose they increased my points to 47 points, I'm guessing cause I lost more then

the 2 lbs they recommend, but I switched it back to 45 points, I'm

doing this to lose weight, and I have of a lot to lose

so obviously I am going to lose a bunch at first cause I'm changing my eating habits

drastically!

I did want to bring up my bad day I had.... I had a day that I consumed

96 points (there might even have been things that I missed when calculating).

I was a little disappointed in myself cause I basically had a binge, and lost all control, 

but I got up the next morning I recorded every one of those points because

I don't want to cheat myself anymore!

That to me was just a realization that this is how I got to where I am today.... 

(in a place where I need to lose 135 lbs, in order to be in a healthy weight range)

I did not let that get me down though! I got right back on the wagon and have

had to be really strict this week because I have NO weekly points left,

therefore I have to stay within my daily allowance, which isn't too hard!

A major contributor to my weight gain besides food is alcohol, I enjoy going out

with my friends and having fun, and not thinking about how many calories

or points each drink is... I'm realizing that when I did drink a couple nights a week, those

added up to almost the entire daily allowance I could have, just from the drinks!, not including the food I ate also.

So, now when I think about having a few drinks I have to justify is it worth the points or can I pass on them..

I do have the option to use some of my weekly allowance to compensate for a night

out if I want, I don't want to use those if I don't have to though.

This process is all about balance....

If you are currently doing Weight Watchers, add me to your friend list!

I love to encourage and get encouragement and tips from others!

My user name is kdlarson22

What's the Meaning of Life?

This seems to be a question I have asked myself a lot lately...

Why are we here on earth....

What do you want from this life....

Why do we have to change things....

Well, I've come up with a few thoughts and wanted to share and see what you guys

have to say about them also...

If you have kept up with my blogs you all know that I struggle a lot with my weight... (like most people)..

but lately I have just wondered... what does that even mean...

...having no self-respect....

....seeing yourself as an object instead of human....

....no willpower....

At this point, I almost feel like I have failed at this thing we all call life...

I still can't answer the question what do I want in this life, or out of this life....

I'm merely just existing,

that doesn't seem fun to any person, 

I haven't learned to push myself,

and to make myself better and to strive to figure out these ongoing questions that

are in my brain.

I've lost myself so much that I can't even explain the big picture of life

or what I want out of it...

I have forgotten what makes me happy (that's a sad day)

So what am I going to do about it?

Well, I decided to join Weight Watchers Online... it is a start for me (it may not fix everything),

I need to be able to take care of myself and have respect for my self and my body in order

to answer some of these questions.

I'm hoping to find these answer in the gym, and by slowly

giving up some of the things I feel have lead me to

this place of darkness and unhappiness.

It's time to take CONTROL, and decide what I want for ME

and no one else!