Christmas/ Winter

thinking, thinking, thinking...

what's new.. all i do is think. life has been kind of difficult these last few weeks.. i've come to some disturbing realities and i'm not sure if i like it. Winter time brings back memories of the past and so in order to forget those memories i'm doing my best to make new ones!:) and trying to stay positive.

Christmas this year was not what i was expecting, it actually kind of sucked.. this was the first time since i can remember that we cancelled our christmas eve plans with my mom's side of the family. It makes me really sad because it was the first christmas without my grandma and it was already weird and then to have to move our plans made it even more weird. We all really miss my grandma and the holidays were not the same without her!

SNOW DAY!!!

Yesterday, i felt like a little kid again.. waking up really early loooking out the window hoping there would be enough snow on the ground for school to be cancelled.. except now that i have a "real" job i was hoping that my work would call and say we were cancelled.. well FOrtuately after trying to get my new vehicle out for the day i got stuck in my driveway and wasn't able to go anywhere with drifts 3 feet, my boss called and said we are not opening, its just not worth it. :)))

On my snow day i had a chance to relax and ponder life and things that i have not been wanting to think about but am now being forced to think about. I miss being able to just sit by the fire and not have a care in the world except what was going to be on the dinner table.. Now i have TOo many responsibilities.. manning 3 jobs takes up MOST of my time.. and when i'm not doing that all i want to do is go out, or workout.. so needless to say i really enjoyed having a day to relax and to be "stranded" in my house!

Life Journey 101

Wow... this last month has been interesting to say the least!! As i have come across some very difficult conclusions and choices to be made, i've realized a few things about life that i'm not sure i wanted to ever know but i'm glad i am forced to experience them.

Through all the rough stuff i am learning, i also turned 21 in november (what a perfect time in my life to turn 21. huh?):) ha. I am really struggling with self discovery, its quiet a reality check, i never realized the impact one person can have on me until i was without.. I am definately enjoying learning about myself but somedays are more difficult then others, just take one day at a time and keep looking towards the dreams i want to reach.

I'm just enjoying life right now and not having to worry about someone always look over my shoulder and telling me what i should and shouldnt be doing with my life and helping me make decisions, i now get to make my own decisions and do the things that i want for once.. :)

Okay. now i'm just rambling..

I almost forgot the most exciting part of NOVEMBER!! i went to VEGAS!! I had SOO much fun and i met lots of randoms people, some of which i only remember from pictures... it was nice to let loose for once and to have a good time, and you can definately see i had fun by the pictures posted on my facebook. :) I love my parents and all their friends!!

RunNInG and MorE!

I've been pondering life for quite some time now and it is slowly sinking in. Life is just as exciting and meaningful as you make it! I've recently just started looking deep inside and trying to figure out what it is i want to do.. career wise.. and jsut things i want to accomplish in life and one of the major things i have started doing in the last couple months is running. I've been really trying to be healthier as i believe i wrote in earlier posts. :) but i have taken it seriously, i ran my first 5k run ever and it was a blast, i am determined to keep in shape and to get doing different races, not to win but to keep myself motivated!! My biggest success in life is to be proud of myself and to respect myself. It feels good to be proud of myself for accomplishing something that i NEVER thought i would do ever, never even thought about doing, and i did it. :)

i guess i just want to challenge everyone to be true to yourself, and make steps to being who you really want to be on the inside and out!

Ames Art Festival

I always enjoy a nice look at other peoples art work!! its so inspiring. It really makes me want to have lots of money so i can afford more fun supplies and broaden my artistic abilities some.. but it can get a little spending to do some of the things people do.(no wonder there artwork cost so much.-it is well worth it though)

Things i want to try and do (as far as art projects):

-mixed media
-putting quotes in my paintings somewho
-abstract
-painting one piece on more then one canvas
-take a pottery class
-be more creative, and have an open mind when in my studio!

I could go into hobby lobby and spend like hours and hours in there, but i'm not to excited about the bill sometimes!! but i think it is all well worth it! :)

thats all for now!

BLOGGING...

Today has not been the best of days.. not really sure why but i haven't felt very upbeat.. just thought i would give a little update on a few things..

Studio- got to move in this past weekend! i absolutely LOVE IT! i'm still getting things situated but i have so many projects lined up i just hope i have time to do everything, and i may have a job working for the apartments where my studio is.. even better!

Life- been working out a lot, trying to keep myself busy. learning new things about what life is all about and trying to stay sane when things get tough.

Nothing to exciting in my life at the moment.. just excited for my birthday, then christmas.. thats about the extent of things right now. thanks for listening!

Art Makes LIfe BeaUtiFul!

Recently, i have been presented with an amazing opportunity that i have been constantly thinking about and pondering for several months and has finally become reality!!! :) I am renting Studio space!!!!! YAY! It is such an inspiring place for me to have somewhere to go and be creative and have fun with something that i love so much, PAinting!

I haven't been able to paint or do any are stuff in such a long time i thought that i had lost interest or something and when my mom showed me this studio space that she had for rent(on main street i might add(= ) i was so inspired and ever since all i can think about is all the art i will be able to create! I love that! It like when you feel like your life is getting dull and nothing you do makes you very happy, art makes me happy.. it brings me peace inside! I'm just so excited i found this space and how amazing it will be at such a GREAT price!! :)



ALL in ALL, Find something that inspires you and go for it!! Dream Big take big steps and just enjoy your life!! Be something great, no matter how hard or how much work it takes!

True FRiends.

In my twenty years of living, i have finally come to one big realization. That is that Friends are what make life all the things you want it to be. Friends are our most prized posession. If you dont have friends you are always sitting around at home thinking that you wished there was someone out there that you could call to just have a good time with, and if you dont have a person or a friend in your life to do that with then your life will not be fulfilled. Most of our life experiences come from the times that we did things with others, making memories, enjoying the company so you dont have to be alone in this crazy world! Its always more fun to share experiences with someone weather its someone you love and want to spend your life with or just a friend that is there to talk to and to get you through things.

I've learned in many ways that your true friends will always shine through when you need them too the most... when your down or going through a hard time friends who truly care will always stand by your side and say you can do it, we will get through this together, those are the only people i want to be around. If only all your friends where like that and not so freakin selfish to think its always about them and what they are going through then the world would be perfect!

I always look around and see all the people in my life and only wish they knew how much i truly care about them, even when they betray me, i will always be there because i know how much it hurts when you are in a hard spot and there is NOONE in sight. Everyone seems to run when things get hard.

I like to ramble about things especially lately but i think that people need to sincerely understand that when people say they need someone they aren't just joking around, it means you need to stop your ass up to the plate and be there for them!!!!

I will always be there for anyone, i dont like to see people suffer or go through pain!!!!!

Thanks to those of you I can call a TRUE FRIEND!!!!!!!

Beginning of July Update

Not to much going on besides moving and getting use to this new season and all the changes...

Thank you to my parents who are amazing and willing to help me out for a little while. I'm excited to be able to live at home and enjoy life a little instead of being so stresed out because of money...

I'm really wanting to get back into painting and doing art stuff hopefully with not having much going on in the future i will have lots more time to work on that stuff and to do some scrapbooking..

Really missing Jess.. i'm not used to not seeing her for long periods of time.

HAHA. i really wish i was a little more exciting.. i didn't have much to say in this blog just wanted to write something..

BUGS!!!! AHH!

We have this crazy bug infestation in our house and i dont know what to do... I absolutely hate bugs... i run and hide when i see them... So when i see like more then one in a day in our place i get a little freaked out...

First, we had bees in the garage where we do our laundry (that makes me not what to go down there to do laundry). Second, I keep spraying bug stuff and i still saw a flying spider.. :(. Third, we might have ticks in the house.

What is a girl to do when the one person who isn't afraid is going to be leaving for the army... i will be alone with the bugs... AHHHH!!!

Life on a Bike

AS a few of you know i sold my car to get some money and so now i have to ride a bike EVERYWHERE! i've never relied on a bike to get me places until now i have to! Just some thoughts about it.

I love riding a bike i recently purchased a really nice bike from bike world so that it will get me through the summer and hopefully by the time it gets to winter i will be able to buy a new car. The new bike that i got is awesome though. i just got a speedometer put on it, so now i can see how fast i go and i can also clock the mileage when i go on a ride somewhere. As soon as i get the odometer to 100 miles i can take it to bike world and get a gift card for the amount i paid for it when i got it. So this week i have been trying to ride as much as i can and go everywhere so i can take it in this weekend after only a week and be able to say i rode 100 miles... that would be awesome!

Other thoughts about being forced to ride a bike everywhere: I enjoy that i get to see things more clearly and up close rather then driving by fast in a car, i get to enjoy the scenery. Its relaxing(exect when you go up a hill.. haha) but for the most part i really enjoy it, and i'm being green in the process.. even better!!! i've been wanting to buy some accessories for my bike but i'm still saving up for that stuff. Hopefully i will be able to take the heat when it gets to july... I'm willing to try though i guess thats all that matters!!!

Life's little Battles

I have these dilemas every once in awhile where i have to make a decision, so okay, doesn't sound to hard pick whatever is best and decide.. well for some reason its a lot harder for me to just make a decision.. maybe because i feel it will change every aspect of my life.. or maybe just the fear of the unknown. I've been trying to understand why some things in life are just so hard to handle, but not TOO hard that i can't handle it.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the people that we chose to love in our life, not just family and friends but the people that we chose to live with and share our life stories with, as in a lover. I've been very confused and thrown off guard by the way people react to the unknown, i'm talking about same-sex marriage. I can't believe that a state that i thought was SOOO conservative was the third in the nation to legalize gay marriage, in my opinion thats great because look at the midwest stepping it up and accepting people for who they are because its a Free Country, well according to the constitution but not according to the people. People only believe what other people have told them to believe and its frustrating well something as big as same sex marriage shouldn't be frowned upon just because someone things its not right(considering they probably grew up hearing that it was wrong before ever thinking for themselves about the situation), every person is different and has a RIGHT to be different, people don't chose to be gay to prove anything. It's not a chose it just is. Some people will chose to understand and others just wont, thats how it is and thats how it will always be.



I guess i'm not exactly sure what my point is other then, let people be who they are and dont judge them because of the person they love or because of the background they grew up in, everyone should be able to be happy in life and not have to hide themselves so that other people can feel confortable around them. We should be able to be who we are and just enjoy it and not have to feel we need to prove something to someone ALL the time.

Those are just so thoughts and battles i've been researching in my life right now. Trying to understand people is way over my head but understanding yourself is a little more acheiveable.

Thats all for now.

GONE GREEN!

So recently I'm not really sure when the breakthrough was but in the last 2 or 3 months, i have been thinking about how much one person can do to go green...

I am not like a tree hugger par say.. but i do think its important to do what i can to save the environment even if it is small steps getting there.

A few things i've been doing are: instead of throwing away empty pop cans i try and bag them up so i can recycle them, as i buy new cleaning products i look for those that are green(as in good for the environment green, not just the color green.), at the grocery store one of the big things is not getting 25 plastic bags but buying like 3 reusable bags that fit more in them anyways, also i've been trying to grow lots of plants(i dont have a yard, i just use pots), the most recent and most extreme one is i sold my car to my dad to pay off some of my debt and to start saving for a new car which i wnat to get a hybrid of some sort: so for the time being i'm riding my bike wherever i can.

I encourage everyone to find at least a few things they can do to go green, even just getting reusable grocery bags is a big step!!

Dreaming in another world.

As I was waking up this morning from bed and pondering on my sleep and thinking of how i have to get up and get ready for work, i was in confusing with the tiny bits of my dream that keep popping into my head from the night. So i begin concentrating and trying to create the image again in my head while i was awake so i could remember what happened in this imaginative word of dreams.

This is what i came up with, so most of you know that my grandma passed away a couple weeks ago and i haven't really grieved much because it seemed like it all went by so fast(the funeral and all that) so now whenever i think of her i get sad and want to cry. So my dream started about as a blur and then all of sudden it popped into the action.

"After visiting my grandma in the hospice every night when she passed we all obviously stopped going there and for some reason we were being pushed to go there(this is in my dream,FYI) so my parents and i went there and it seemed as though we were at a camp with cabins and different things. so we walked around and came to my grandma's room (which she shouldn't be in cause she passed away) well to our surprise she was there, acting as normal as can be... WEIRD!!! she looked like she did before she got sick just young and energetic and it was strange because she just didnt seem like she was sick, and we all knew that she was very sick.. So as we got more confused we called over the nurse and she responded with oh she has come back and is no longer sick... and so being even more confused, i asked some more questions and the nurse said, she was gone and she came back healed.

OK... so then i was like well maybe she like went to heaven and got healed and she got sent back to earth to live the life that she missed... i was very confused. Well as my dream was fading back into a blur it seemed as thought it was normal and so we all went on with our lives as if that hadn't just happened."
So this is confusing to me cause i'm not really sure what dreams do for us other then its like our imagination at night while we sleep... and so i was very confused by this dream and not really sure what to think about it.

My first thought was, i know that people who die are like ghosts in a sense they are still there but we just can't see them, so i thought maybe it was just reassurance that my grandma is going to be still enjoying life even if she isn't here. Cause when she passed i was very upset because i felt like she didn't get to do much stuff in her life mainly because she didn't have much money and so it was very hard for me to see her go cause i didnt think she had a fulfilled life.
I think that was reassurance for the that she is doing good and she is cancer free and enjoying life right now, probably at a casino somewhere where money doesn't matter and she has lots of it! :)

RIP Grandma you will always be missed and loved and i know you are enjoying yourself where ever it is that you are right now!

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

So i completely forgot about earth day until i noticed on the calendar today it said Earth Day!!

Earth day is inspired to create awareness and appreciation for our earths enviornment!

So in accordance i think today everyone should find something to do that will benefit the earth and its enviornment!

EARTHDAY CRAFTS

Plant flowers
Plant a tree
Make crafts out of reusable items in your house
-Laundry Bottle Food Scoop, cut the top off the laundry detergant container and decorate the outside and use it to scoop your pet food.
-Magazine holder, dont throw away all your cereal boxes, cut the corner off and use it as a magazine holder and decorate the box.
-Ladybug Rocks, paint fun designs on rocks you find in your yard.
-Tin Can Herb Pot, take an old coffee can paint the outside and plant herbs or flowers in it.
-Toothbrush Bracelet, get out all your old toothbrushes pull the bristels out and boil them in hot water till they are soft enough to bend and shape them into bracelets.


Those are just a few crafts that i thought would be fun, i typed in earth day crafts on google and looked for ones that looked like fun!!

You should all find something great to do for the earth and share with me what you did to help the enviornment today!!!

HAVE FUN!!!

Life Lesson #56

HAHA. So this morning i learned a new life lesson..

i was sitting in my kitchen eating breakfast and since we are leaving for vacation soon so i thought oh i should get my suitcase out of the storage room cause i've been dreading digging it out. So i got it out and then it was about time for me to go to work so i just left it for tonight.... i walked down to the kitchen to get a snack for work and BOOM the power went out... i was like WHAT... how did that happen.. and so i waited a few minutes... it didn't turn back on... GREAT!! So i went down to try and open the garage... of coarse it runs on electricity so... i called Jessica at work and didn't know what to do cause i had to be to work like then... and she didn't know cause it was a main breaker so we couldn't just flip the switch.. :( so i called my dad and he came right over and all he did was pull the cord on the garage and lifted it by hand... MAN I"M DUMB.. haha.. So i got to work a little late but at least i didn't hve to walk..

So life lesson... When the power goes out and the garage opener no longer works all you have to do is pull the red cord.. haha.

The Monday Blues...

So today is monday... not my favorite day.. it seems that things always go wrong on mondays...

Today i'm starting to understand how people in your life will betray you.. i wont give any names or anything but i feel that i have been taken advantage of as a past employee and wish that people could see other people true feelings and not just business and money... a lot of people today our caught up in this whole.. i need money and the economy sucks. I can see the way people are treating other people is not consistant and i wish i could say its because of the economy but i'm pretty sure its not..

those are my thoughts for today!

Today is FRIDAY!!!

THis is my first blog... :) i'm excited... haha. i'm not sure what to write about today.

Thought for today: Everyday is a day to be positive and to make the most of every moment, because you never know who will be there with you tomorrow!