Finding the Problem Areas

The month of July has been a time of lots of ups and downs for me.... I'm learning a lot about what I want in life and also how I am going to achieve those things.

Well.... we all know that all I really talk about is needing to lose weight to be

happier and to be able to accomplish the things I set my mind to do... but I've realized that

I can't keep putting my life on hold and waiting for that perfect moment when I step on the scale to see 

165lbs (my goal weight), I have to enjoy every step along the way... I'm obviously not

perfect and sometimes I move in the wrong direction that what I have my focus on

but in the end just because I'm overweight doesn't mean I can't live a fulfilling life right here and now 

in order to be happy.

I'm so tired of constantly putting myself down, and not wanting to go out and do anything

because I'm afraid that I will be judged, a lot of the time I cover those feelings with

alcohol when I am in public... that seems to be the only way I can face being in public with my 

friends is if I have alcohol in my hand to help numb the embarrassment.

I know that I have sabotaged my body and not only with alcohol but also with food... (I didn't get this

way just by drinking... I eat and I drink...) I care about what other people think of me

and how those who read my blog wonder when they see me... I thought she was 

losing weight (to me I guess that makes the pressure even more, but yet I still sit here and I right about

my unsuccessful journey of not losing any weight and still being miserable in my own body).

For some reason the pressure and embarrassment I feel on a daily basis isn't enough for me to 

completely put it all into action and make something happen... instead I just complain to you guys about how

unsuccessful I have become and what a failure I feel like I am.

Everyone always says if you don't like something then change it... I don't know why it's so hard to

change this... I know what I need to do I have the tools to do it and I also have the support to do it...

What the F*** is wrong with you, Kelsie?! Why can't you just grasp this concept and run with it?!

I will just throw out there for everyone I have not weighed myself at all this month and I don't plan on weighing for awhile because I'm too afraid to see the number on the scale...

You all know that I didn't keep track of my calories or anything for this whole month, some 

days were better then others... we did a LOT of bicycling this month and I had a few good runs, I know

I didn't accomplish my 35 mile goal (I"m okay with that though), I'm gonna try to 

keep that same goal for the month of August.

I have been really loving bicycling, I asked my boyfriend the other night if he notices

when we big the HUGE smile I always have on my face?! He said yea why... I said because it makes me

happy to ride my bike, it's something that challenges me, and it doesn't hurt my body as bad, and most

importantly my BF and I love to do it together!

Negativity

The last couple weeks I have had some extra free time to sit down

and let my mind wander and think about things in life with a deeper mentality, it's 

been a while since I have really looked at me from the inside instead of the outside.

I have to give up all the negative self talk I give myself for one,

it makes things so much worse when I continue to feel like I've been defeated,

and also knowing that when I really want something I can reach it.

Which brings about another thing in me that I'm not fond of, I have reached SO many goals

and overcome a Lot of stuff in my short life so far, what I am still trying to really 

get a good grip on is how I can pull that through in all

areas of my life, not just my physical abilities to do certain things but most importantly

the mental part of acknowledging that I have a big goal in mind but for

some reason I can't execute the mental status of it.  I can push myself physically 

to reach goals (for instance when I workout I always do way more then

I think I am capable of) for some reason the mental battle of giving up something or trying to ignore

some things and get past other things is SO difficult for me.

I really just want to stop feeling like I am wasting my life by eating the wrong foods

or not participating in things because I know I will feel guilty and embarrassed about my weight.

For some reason my mind just can't comprehend and change the way I plan it out in my head....

I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and feeling sad and depressed but I can't

find it in me to change it... but I want it so badly deep down, it doesn't make sense.

Happy Pants

I have my happy pants on the last couple weeks... (not sure what that means exactly but it sounded legit!)

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I have decided to not

worry about what my body is doing so much and to JUST DO IT!

Let me tell you I feel SO much better about myself and I feel like a much happier me!

It's so much easier to figure things out when you don't have to record everything

into an app or figure out how many calories I am burning compared to home much food I am eating....

those things are very helpful but I was getting so obsessed that I wanted to give up

cause I felt like I was constantly failing!

I have been finding fun things to do to workout, I have been biking A LOT the last couple weeks

and I have just been picking healthier choices when eating things.

Last weekend the BF and I decided we wanted to ride our bikes and we picked a different

trail that we had never been on, it was in Downtown Des Moines and it went to Ankeny, we rode a total of 

40 miles that day! It was So much fun to see something different then the same old

trail we always ride plus I love spending time with my BF  (just us),

he pushes me to go harder and furthur then I think I can when it's just us, mainly because

I have to keep up with him and he has to wait for me cause there is noone 

else around.

This is on the downtown bridge!

We met these fine folks at the Wheelhouse in Ankeny, where we of coarse had to have an Apple Pie Shot for my aunt Vicki's Birthday! :)

Then we had to hit up El Bait Shop in Downtown.

I also got to meet up with some good friends (whom I never get to see!) and we had a blast! :)

 After we had a great ride on Saturday we got up on Sunday and thought maybe we would do a short ride around Ames.... We did ride in Ames but we made it to Whiskey River and then to Tip Top! :)

We did manage to get in a whole 8 miles though.

Cheers to changing my lifestyle and going after what I really want in life! :)
(Not to mention I have had a few people ask if I have lost weight... that is a great way to brighten my mood!
I can't answer direct all I can say is I feel better and my clothes are a bit looser)

Holiday Weekend + Misc.

We had a great time celebrating the 4th of July (4 Day) weekend!  We were SO lucky the weather was AWESOME! We got lots of sun, fun, and drinking in! :)

It was much needed to have a get away weekend to enjoy life and not have to 

think about all the craziness and stuff going on in our normal everyday lives! 

Here are some highlights of our trip:

(Dirty Thirties for $21.50)

(Floating, Sunning, and Drinking!)

More floating and drinking of coarse!

We had a blast to say the least and a HUGE thank you to everyone

that provided good fun and good food and of coarse good company! :D

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On a different note!

This weekend I did not track any of my food or my weight at all... I would not have wanted to anyway cause I knew I wouldn't eat the  best and we did day/night drinking pretty much everyday also....

Honestly though I don't feel like I've gained weight while gone, I'm sure I probably did a little, but I have

not confirmed that with the scale yet... I wanted to settle for a few days before I was super

disappointed.

Needless to say, I've decided to try going this month without being obsessed with my weight 

and tracking my food, I think it stresses me out to have to record everything and

seeing I still have calories left makes me want to eat... I'm going to 

try just going by how my body feels, and eating in moderation.  I will let you know how that goes for me.

*****just to clarify! I am not giving up by any means I am just taking this month to try something different cause what I'm doing is not working the way I want it to! I will still be doing my 35 miles and possibly a 5k in Chicago at the end of the month, I just want to try to not worry so much about everything and just do it! (I get too caught up in what to eat and how much I can eat and how much to workout that I just want to DO IT and stop thinking about it so much!)******

25 Miles in June UPDATE

This is the result of the month of June! I did accomplish a lot and I'm really proud of myself, as you can see I kept track of how many miles we bicycled and also the miles I walked/ran/cross-trained. 

Biking Miles= 86

June Miles= 21

My goal was to get 25, I was shy just a few... I was a little disappointed I could have done the last 4 miles yesterday but we had a busy weekend and I was very exhausted... I had to get things ready for this next weekend too.  I can't complain though cause I feel I did good!

July I decided I would try to do 35 Miles, the higher number is because I want to do a 5k

at the Beginning of August so I want to get myself ready for it.

This is our weekend....

My wonderful boyfriend rode 85 miles on his bicycle Saturday.

He participated in the 100 Mile Cruiser Ride!

It was a lot of fun, I'm very proud of him, he did really well!