Negativity

The last couple weeks I have had some extra free time to sit down

and let my mind wander and think about things in life with a deeper mentality, it's 

been a while since I have really looked at me from the inside instead of the outside.

I have to give up all the negative self talk I give myself for one,

it makes things so much worse when I continue to feel like I've been defeated,

and also knowing that when I really want something I can reach it.

Which brings about another thing in me that I'm not fond of, I have reached SO many goals

and overcome a Lot of stuff in my short life so far, what I am still trying to really 

get a good grip on is how I can pull that through in all

areas of my life, not just my physical abilities to do certain things but most importantly

the mental part of acknowledging that I have a big goal in mind but for

some reason I can't execute the mental status of it.  I can push myself physically 

to reach goals (for instance when I workout I always do way more then

I think I am capable of) for some reason the mental battle of giving up something or trying to ignore

some things and get past other things is SO difficult for me.

I really just want to stop feeling like I am wasting my life by eating the wrong foods

or not participating in things because I know I will feel guilty and embarrassed about my weight.

For some reason my mind just can't comprehend and change the way I plan it out in my head....

I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and feeling sad and depressed but I can't

find it in me to change it... but I want it so badly deep down, it doesn't make sense.