Keep Moving!

After the very raw honest post from last week, I have been reflecting and have talked to a few ppl that have read my blog and I was very surprised to hear how many people really enjoy reading my blog (that makes me feel good!), I was extremely nervous for the response I would get for exposing myself to things I don't really talk about much and then sharing it with the world, but even more extreme sharing it with people that I am close to!  I don't regret any of my past, everything that has happened to has made me stronger and made me who I am today! :)  Thanks to all my readers and those who support me, and most of all for not judging me to harshly!

On to more fun things!

After the topic of how I got to the SIZE I am, and completely laying it out on the table really

made me realize I have to break the cycle and this past week has been a huge learning curve and changed the way I think about myself, exercise, and eating healthy.

The biggest change I have made (remember it's only been a week.. there's still a lot I have to change but

these are just a few) during this past week, is I get excited to go to the gym... I 

try to think about what I want to accomplish while I'm at the gym and set a goal for myself and I don't leave the gym till I meet that goal. (usually I set a goal of wanting to get in 3 miles of exercise, so that means maybe I run 2 miles and do a mile on the cross trainer... however I get to 3 miles is my choice but I don't leave till I accomplish that goal)

I LOVE to run/jog again!! :D

I did a mile in 12:03 Thursday night after I had run a 12:53 min mile Tuesday night.

I was SO excited I kept going, I am more proud of myself that I am

learning to push through the initial pain of running and just start to enjoy it, I LOVE the way I feel

the next day after running... My muscles are all sore but I can feel my body getting

stronger when I run.

This is a picture from a wedding reception we went to this weekend... yikes it almost looks like I'm preggers.... :(

Another thing I am really trying to get under my belt is the way I eat, and why I eat.

I am starting to think about what I put in my mouth and the way it will affect my body and even my mindset.

It's crazy that certain foods set me off, but if I eat something unhealthy (chips for example), it makes me

want to continue to eat things that aren't good, it's like I can't control it.

Also another major thing that  hinders me is when I drink, I seem to think that anything and everything

is free game to shove down my throat after I have had like 2 or 3 (this one

is maybe the hardest habit to break at this time). Baby steps!

We had kind of a big weekend planned which can be really hard to stay on track and keep

my willpower strong enough to not make really bad choices.  I feel I held my ground fairly well... 

We did go to the gym Saturday, then we played tennis for awhile.

One way I've been testing my willpower to by choosing to not eat the bun or bread with my meals,

I love my carbs but I know they are not helping my weight lose cause I eat

WAY too many.  This simple step shows me that I'm committed to being a healthier me.

I don't want to be glued to the scale cause I don't want it to discourage me but for the first couple weeks I wanted to weigh myself to make sure what I am doing is working!

Monday last week 6-17-13 I weighed 287lbs when I got on the scale... Friday 6-21-13 I weighed 283lbs, I can't complain about 4lbs lost, but I was afraid after the weekend to step on the scale

so I decided to bust my butt at the gym tonight and then set on tomorrow to see how an entire week went!

I want to be out to of the 280's cause they are sabotaging me!

How I got to this Size?!

We all know that this journey to get fit and healthy is not only about eating right and working out it also entails some deep soul searching to understand who you got the size you are in the first place.

I was trying to understand all the things I do to sabotage myself and what got me to turn to food, alcohol and smoking....

I sat down yesterday and really wanted to bring everything to the surface for myself so I could see what caused this unhappy, unhealthy women I've become, so I wrote out a long letter explaining to myself

how I got to the place I am now and how I am going to change that.

Here it goes... (I will make it a shorter version for the sake of keeping your attention.)

My journey started in the fall of 2009, one of my really good friends and I started running together just for fun, it was a time for us to enjoy each others company while doing something good for our bodies! 

At the time I was in a very verbally abusive relationship with a women who put me down for my weight every single day, despite the fact I was running pretty much every night and I was taking action (not really on purpose but kind of).  We broke up a few months after that and I was SO proud of myself for taking my anger and frustration out on running and not by filling my body with food and unhealthy things

that were not going to fulfill anything but shame and guilt in my life.

I did a series of 5k's for the first time ever to keep me motivated to run instead of feel pain and sadness.

I decided to join a local gym so I could still run when the weather started to get bad (cold), I had just turned 21 so I was super excited to be able to go to Vegas and at the time I was still living at home so I could afford to go out and do fun things, we went on a Cruise to Mexico in Feb 2010, I was around 210lbs at the time and I felt great.  I worked out every night and focused on getting fit after the cruise I think it started to sink in that I was single and in my own self doubt I shut down, thinking I would never find love and I didn't know who I was as a person. My whole high school experience was very confusing and a hard time for me in finding myself and my identity as a person, just thinking about all I had been through  

brought on a lot of distress that I wasn't sure how to deal with at the time so I started drinking, smoking and eating myself to a better place where I felt good instead of sad and depressed.

About a year later I started dating a guy and I was super happy with life, I weighed around 240lbs, and I wanted the best for him and myself and things ended up not working out the way I thought they would so again I turned to the things I was so familiar with to fill my heartbreak and depression.

As life moved on I still didn't have any big goals for myself, I knew I wanted love and to get married and have kids someday but it felt so far away I started to give up on myself.

I started dating my current boyfriend Nov. 11, 2011 (proud of that date), we definitley had our struggles when we first started dating I was still in the midst of figuring myself out and also barrying myself in my own pity and self doubt. After a few months I finally opened up to where I was comfortable and I trusted him cause I knew he loved me no matter what SIZE I was. As I got more comfortable with him I in a way gave up on myself and just wanted to enjoy life and then I stepped on the scale seeing 283lbs and was very ashamed and I felt I really needed to give this my all and not give up on myself anymore!

I constantly beat myself up trying to make a plan on how to fix the problem and as you can see by reading my blog it has taking me thus long to still figure out what is really going on at 287lbs.

I feel I have worked at losing weight I go to the gym I eat healthy most of the time (MOST is the key word here) and that everything else didn't matter, but it's not only about the gym or what you eat.

I am done feeling sorry for myself about things that happened in the past that I can't go back and fix or take back and I am committed to leaving all my baggage at the gym in order to get myself to a better state.

 My mind is slowly clearing and the more I work out and push myself at the gym the more I want to keep going and to get all the negative things from my past out of my brain so they can stop sabotaging me.

I want to be healthy for my boyfriend (someday husband) and my kids.

*side note*

When I started dating my boyfriend he had just lost around 80lbs, 

he continues to push me each day to be able 

to reach my goals, and he is VERY patient with me! 

It's time I completely focus on myself and get my own sh*t in order!

I have been smoke free for 10 weeks (SUCCESS)
I ran a 12:53 mile last night, compared to 16:00 mile a few months ago (SUCCESS)
I am going to continue to celebrate my small successes in order to keep moving
and to continue my journey in finding myself and most
importantly LOVING myself!

That is me riding my way to success with my main man by my side! :)

Cycling

We had a very long and tiring weekend, I decided to have a garage sale this weekend for the city wide deal,

man is that exhausting! We did very well and we made pretty good money but it was a lot of work!

I definitely needed a stress relief after all that, so Friday night we had a fire with a couple 

friends over, then back at the g-sale Saturday morning.

We decided to take it easy Sat night and just rent a movie and relax! 

FYI Safe Haven is a really good movie! (even the bf liked it)

Sunday we wanted to ride, so we decided to go to Bondurant cause there is a new bar their 

where we ate brunch and then headed to the trail not to far from there.

This trail was AWESOME, we had a lot of fun just the two of us, it was on the Chichaqua Valley Trail, it's an old railroad route that was converted to a bike trail and it was in the woods... (we will definitely be riding this trail again in the future!)

This was the most podunk town we had ever seen!

Valeria pop. 62

Also on a side note... I was super bummed after riding cause I was excited to see how many calories I actually burn while riding (with my BodyMedia) and when I got done it said I only did like 12 minutes of moderate workout and like 1 minute of viguous workout and I was very disappointed cause we rode for like an hour and a lot of it was uphill so I know I worked hard!

I read on the internet today that if you put the armband around your calf it gets a more accurate reading for cycling, so I'm curious to see if that works (will update when I get to try it out!)

I'm not giving up on my BodyMedia, I think it's putting things into perspective for me and helping me to make better choices and to learn more about my body!

25 Miles in June

As the title says, I want to run 25 miles in June! I have been really pushing myself this week and I'm super 

excited to see the results, but if they aren't great I'm not giving up!

I seen on Jillian's website she was doing a challenge for her 'members', but I was too late to sign up

so I thought, why not set my owe goal and see if I can accomplish it!

I decided to do 25 miles in June, so roughly that is about one mile a day... I am going to push myself the best I can to reach that goal this month cause I need to keep reassuring my body that I really am

STRONG and I can do this! At the beginning of May I decided to see how

long it took me to run a mile, just out of curiosity since I haven't run in like 3 years... well the 

result was as I thought, not very good, 15 min it took me to run a mile (granted I walked a lot of it), well 

Monday while at the gym I ran a 14 min mile and I actually think I could have done a lot better

then that cause the first like third of the mile I walked but I was excited that

I broke the 15 min mile barrier that I started when I wasn't really focused and still losing heart about the

weight lose stuff!

The more I workout the more I can see myself getting Stronger and it's harder to

say NO and walk away.  I need this for myself so bad that now I don't want to give up, we all fail right?!?

We just gotta get back up and continue to fight the battle!

I'm trying my hardest to keep my mindless eating at bay and just enjoy myself and the things 

I have to look forward too, NO more EXCUSES!

I'm cchallenging everyone to set a goal for this month (something attainable!) and share with me what that is and how you will accomplish it!! :D

Body Media & DIY project

I've found myself some new motivation and I'm LOVING it!!!

I know you all aren't as obsessed with Biggest Loser as I am (well maybe you are...) but

after getting lots of ad's directed toward me about Body Media I had to check it out for myself! ( they use and advertise this on Biggest Loser often)

It is basically an arm band with a sensor on it that you wear on the back of your left arm

all day long, even when you sleep.  The reason it is so awesome is because

those sensors calculate how many calories you burn throughout the day, it gives you the activity level you

reached at diffrent points (moderate or vigerous), it calculates how many steps you take, and something

that I think is WAY cool, it monitors your sleep... it literally tells you when your just laying down or when you are actually asleep!

If you haven't figured out by now I bought myself one and it came on Saturday and I'm in love with it...

it makes me think about what I'm doing throughout the day to make sure I'm staying

healthy and moving toward my weight lose goal!

I contemplated buying this for a few months now because it was a little expensive and you have to

pay a monthly fee of $7 (big whoop) but I wanted to make sure I was going to be

completely commited to using it to my benefit and not just waste money on it! Since nothing

I have been trying has really worked lately I decided to try it out, I can always use a little

encouragment! The thing I'm most excited about it is it connects with MyFitnessPal and it

automatically syncs what I import on either one back and forth, it also adjusts my daily calorie intake

automatically based on how many calories I'm burning and what I need to eat to make up for it.

When I activated it I had to option to go with Body Media or The Plus program (Jillian Michaels), I was

pretty excited cause I like to read and follow some stuff Jillian has to say about

weight lose, so for 4/week (kinda of a lot more) I decided I would try it out and see what happens.  Well I was not excited once I signed up and found out that Jillian's website does not connect with MyFitnessPal(kdlarson22),

I didn't want to have to enter the things I ate on two different forums, not to

mention her forum doesn't have as many things in the database as MFP.  So I get to keep using it for a month on Jillian Michaels and learn what I can for free and then I switch to the regular Body Media site, which isn't all bad, they still give you tips on things you can do better in order to

achieve my goals.

Keep your fingers crossed that I can gain this motivation and run with it!

I still have a few things that I need to give up that I know are hindering my weight lose

I just haven't completely commited yet (getting VERY close though), on a

SUPER positive note!!! I hide the two month mark of NO smoking!!! ( I don't even miss it)

On to funner things!!

This was my fun DIY project of the weekend! I have SO many things that I have

found on pinterest or that I have just come up with in my own mind and I'm finally started to get a

few of them done!

This was a jewelry box like one I had as a kid, I decided to paint it

and since everyone is SO into Chevron lately I decided to add a little spice to it!

I didn't have any pictures of it completely put together with all the hardware and glass,

but you get the idea! :)

Happy Crafting to Everyone and Enjoy your Tuesday!

:D