LiVe LaUgH LoVe: In a Rut

Everyone that reads my blog has heard me talk about how much of a struggle it is for me to lose weight and to be healthy, but I think that also relates to everything else in my life too, the more stuff I have going on that I'm trying to deal with the more of a struggle weight lose is for me, I turn to food as my comfort and to be in control of something at that moment. I know my BF has had a hard time believing in me as far as weight lose goings (don't get me wrong he still loves me the same even though I do need to lose weight) and I feel his frustration because the more he gets frustrated at me for not taking care of my body the more I get mad at myself and for some reason I turn to food even though food is my enemy in the situation. I don't even know if that makes sense, but I'm trying to figure out a way to overcome food... in a sense... I don't really understand why I always use food as a comfort, but I'm in serious need to be healthy and I want to be, I'm just not sure how to change my mind in order to make healthy choices, not only with what I eat but in other aspects of my life also.

I wanna get back on the 17 day diet that I have talked about before, but with the holidays and everything it's so hard to follow the plan to the T. I'm not trying to make up excuses but in a way I do, I come up with something that makes it not possible to grasp the thing I want most in my life right now and that is to be healthy and to feel good about myself and my body. I wish there was a button in my head that I could turn on to make me not like certain foods and that would retain all things I need in order to create better habits, that way I can't keep going back to my old habits of being unhealthy. I just need to have a serious change of heart on the situation, but I'm not sure how to get my mind rapped around that fact I don't need to eat everything that I want to eat.... only what I need to survive.

Also, as if all of what I just talked about isn't enough stress on me, I am so frustrated that I have kind of a lot of school left and I just want to be free. It's like I wanna be done so bad but I'm struggling with the classes I'm in but I don't wanna take a semester off because that would just make it that much longer till I can get my degree. On the upside I am going to stick with it, even though I'm not sure how this semester will end, I really need to get my studying on and do good on my finals in order to pull of at least a C in my classes.

All in all I want to get my mind on the right track and get my life started in the best way at this moment, I mean come on I'm 24 years old, I feel like I should have my Shit together, but obviously I'm far from that. Any encouragment that might make me feel better or get my head on straight would be appreciated!!