Destruction

This seems to be the theme of my life lately. I've constantly been destroyed by my mind and my thoughts. Everyone always says you can't look back in order to have a good future because you will never be what you were, so just look ahead and create what you want. That is So difficult. I think that I am a slave to food, literally. I want to be healthy and be able to do all the things I used to but i LOVE food. I don't understand how i went from working out everyday 2 years ago to eating everything in sight and weighing more then i've EVER weighed in my life or thought i could weigh. :( I'm trying not to let that discourage me because i have some great people in my life that are sticking by my side and trying to keep me encouraged but its so hard because i am my own demon, its like i know what it takes but dont know how to force myself to get there. Again, its a mental destruction that i'm trying to figure out how to overcome.


I thought maybe since i'm pubicly announcing this that it might encourage me to not let my mind destroy me. That I myself can take control, i have so many people around me that are success stories in getting their lives back and I want it SO bad for myself, but it is myself that is stopping me from that. I've always been doubted by people that i couldn't get where i wanted to go so that is going to be my motivation, is to prove to myself that others can't discourage me or tell me how i will live my own life. I AM IN CONTROL, AND ONLY ME!